Once upon a time, about 6 years ago, I was a happy, healthy, mentally sane, and content person. Sometime between then and now, it all went to hell in a handbasket.
Back then I exercised, ate relatively healthy, practiced yoga, bought my first home which was a great little house where I lived with my cats, spent every spare moment that I had in the pottery class I was taking, and was just loving life. It was a pleasure to be me! For the first time in my life I was happy with who I was, didn’t feel the need to have a man in my life to complete me, and lived my life the way I chose. It was a great place to be. While it lasted, that is.
Soon after, I became distracted. I entered into a very difficult relationship that lasted 5 years (4.5 years too long). I switched jobs and felt the need to get a bigger house now that I was making more money. I became a landlord. Things were getting complicated. The exercise became less frequent and consuming large amounts of crap food happened more often than not. The only thing my new BF and I liked to do together was go out for appetizers and beer. Other than that we had absolutely nothing in common which turned out to be a recipe for disaster. But for some reason we stayed together and things just got worse.
The new house we lived in was a nightmare. Most of the bad things that ever happened in my life happened at this house. I got laid off. My dad died. My tenant trashed my awesome little first house that I was renting out, which I later foreclosed on. Several pets died for no good reason. I had to short sale the house, but only after the air conditioner backed up, created a waterfall in my living room and eventually made the ceiling fall down in the middle of the floor. Miraculously someone wanted to buy it that way or I would have foreclosed on that one too.
Luckily things eventually started getting better. The BF and I finally broke up. I flushed the toxic people out of my life and began to have more peace of mind. All my hard work paid off and I got a fantastic new job that revolves around art. I moved to Fresno California for a fresh new start. I made some great friends and met fabulous people. I started traveling to amazing places like NYC, Seattle, Austin, Germany and England. I began straightening out my finances and was able to buy an awesome house that has everything I need for the fleabags and I. I am really beginning to like who I am and am relatively comfortable being myself. But I still feel like something is missing. I want to be completely and utterly happy and for that to happen something else has got to change. I want to LOVE myself. You know what they say...you can't expect other people to love you if you don't love yourself.
I need to find the person inside of me that was so prominent 6 years ago, back when I was healthy and content. I’ve tried so many times to find her, but she keeps slipping away. I’ve made so many attempts at eating well and promises to myself that I am going to start exercising more, but for some reason I can’t stick to it. I’ll eat well for a few weeks and lose a few pounds, then travel for work and eat like shit for a week. By the time I get home I’m back to where I started. I feel like crap and I am so lazy. I nap as often as I can and when I’m home and awake I sit in front of the TV instead of doing all the things I say I’m going to do when I have free time. I have hundreds of unfinished art projects waiting to be worked on. I have been living in my house for 4 months and have yet to unpack and decorate. I haven’t taken the dogs on a walk anywhere since last spring. I’ve done Zumba three times since I’ve moved to Fresno, which was almost a year ago. It’s been so long since I’ve done yoga that I can barely touch my toes anymore.
I always have an excuse as to why I act this way…it’s either too hot, I’m too depressed, I’m too tired from working all week, I have a headache…..all valid excuses but I’m tired of hearing myself use them. Life can be so much more than what I’m making of it, and since I am not getting any younger I need to get my act in gear before it all passes me by. Enough is enough. Things are going to change, right here, right now. And YOU will get to hear all about my journey, and keep me accountable for everything I say I’m going to do!
Welcome to my new blog. I haven’t decided what to call it yet, but I can tell you what you can expect to read about. After so many failed attempts at long term diet and exercise programs, I’ve decided to try something new. I am making a promise to myself to consciously do one thing a day that is good for either my body, my mind or my soul. I’ll start small and take one step at a time. This way I can make it a part of life; something I can do every day without it feeling like a chore. As time goes on, hopefully I will get to a place where I can do more than one thing without even having to think twice about it. We’ll see how it goes.
I promise I will give you witty tales of my trials and errors, which will most likely be dripping with the sarcasm I know and love so very much. I will try to keep my usage of 4 letter words to a minimum. I apologize in advance if any entry falls under the label of ‘TMI’. I will try not to whine or complain too much. I’ll keep the content positive and uplifting for the most part, but not to the point where you want to choke me for being too damn cheerful (you know the type). I will not preach. I will not try to convert you to a new religion. My sole purpose is to tell you about my adventure and hope you can relate to some of it and/or find it somewhat entertaining. At the very least, I need you to witness that I am actually doing what I say I’m going to do and come kick my ass if I don’t.
Here I go! Wish me luck.