There's Hope For Me After All, Buddha!

Remember I said I was going to sign up for a Mindful Meditation class? Well I did! I searched for one in Fresno and it just so happens that the 'Center for Mindfulness' in practically right across the street from my house, and they meet on Wednesday evenings. Talk about fate! I went for the first time last night and it was pretty awesome.

I wouldn't consider myself to be one of those new age gurus by any stretch of the imagination, but I figure if half the world is out there meditating on a regular basis, maybe there's something to it. I go in (late, as usual), and there are about 20 people sitting around this room being all still and quiet. the atmosphere is so soothing...dim lights, candles, warm colors....there was even a pleasant but not overpowering scent of incense. I decided then and there that I was going to convert my living room to look just like this because it would make me eternally happy.

So I sit down, close my eyes and start breathing. The lady heading the meditation's voice was calming and she gave tips and tricks on how to get your mind to focus on your breath instead of everything else that's going on in your brain. This was very helpful, because I really suck at meditating. It's so hard to concentrate. But she kept saying not to judge ourselves if we can't stay focused and just try again with the next breath. I guess you're not born with the ability to meditate and you only become good at it after a lot of practice. That makes me feel better.

We did sitting, standing and walking meditations. I have tried meditating before but only while sitting or lying down. The standing was okay but the walking was really challenging. You are supposed to look at the ground, walk ridiculously slow, try not to crash into the person in front of you, hold your hands a certain way, and try not to fall over from being unbalanced. And while you're doing all of this, you're only supposed to be thinking about your steps. Pffft. Much easier said than done.

All in all, it was a very positive experience. The things the leader was saying made me think she was reading my mind. She made me feel better about a lot of the things I've been struggling with lately and it was exactly what I needed. If for no other reason, it was just nice to sit in a calm environment and relax for an hour, not worrying about what was outside the room waiting for me when the hour was over. But it was much more than that. I think this class is a keeper.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Good Times, Bad Times.....

I feel good today. It's Friday, my fun ghetto Zumba class is tonight, the weather is beautiful and the sun is warm and bright. It's a productive day at work, I have a fridge full of healthy food options for the weekend from my recent trip to Sprouts Farmers Market, and I had a fun evening out with two of my favorite gal pals last night. I have a head full of projects I want to make over the weekend to earn some extra money on the side. I'm wearing my favorite Cedar Heights Salt Lick Stoneware Clay shirt and comfy tie dye hoodie, and today is Bagel Friday, which means I had a most delicious cinnamon french toast bagel waiting for me when I got to work this morning. I successfully convinced my three legged cat Gimpy to come back home last night so I'm no longer worrying about him getting run over by a car. My pool is crystal clear and perfectly clean for the first time EVER because I hired a new pool service that totally kicks ass over my old guy. I gots to say....life is good!

I am incredibly happy that I feel this way. Last weekend I wasn't so sure I would. I woke up last Saturday with absolutely no energy or motivation to do anything. It was horrible. I was depressed, I guess. Besides it being Mother's Day weekend (which is never exactly a happy time for me), it was 101 degrees and I felt like the life had been sucked out of me. I always get depressed when it gets hot and I expect it to happen again this year, but I didn't think it would be this early. I also have had some really strange allergy symptoms lately which include a bit of vertigo, so I kind of felt a little drunk on top of everything. Not the nice buzz of your first drink, but the feeling that your head is spinning a little too fast and you might vomit. Not cool.

As if I weren't already lying around begging for the weekend to end so at least I could go back to work and be a functional part of society again, I also got reminded on Sunday that people aren't always what they seem to be, and just because someone claims to be your friend doesn't mean they really are. It was time to cut the ties with someone who fits this description, and I really thought I'd have a hard time doing so. In reality, I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I readjusted in no time. I back to my old self again, I feel more focused, inspired and motivated, and I am ready to tear up this weekend!

Happy Friday!

Spring Cleaning in La La Land...

I'll admit it. I'm a dreamer. I have pictures in my head of how I believe things should be, and I have a hard time accepting it when people tell me I'm being unrealistic. Call me spiteful, but when someone tells me that I can't do something, I will do everything in my power to prove them wrong. Maybe it's a little sick and twisted, but I really enjoy proving people wrong.

This quality has served me well in the past. When I started my quest to become an artist, some people who supposedly 'loved' me laughed at me and told me that I was an idiot. Instead of believing and giving up on my dreams, I made the conscious decision to remove these toxic people from my life and surround myself with people who encouraged and believed in me. It took a while, but today I have a great job doing what I love and what I'm good at. I've had this job for more than a year now, and I still have to pinch myself now and then to make sure I'm not dreaming. I get to make a good living by surrounding myself with art and ceramics all day. In my opinion, things can't get any better than that!

A few months ago, someone told me that I was trying to change the world and that it was never going to happen. Of course, my response was 'why not?' Surely I can if I try hard enough, right? Well, I am starting to realize that maybe he had a point. I recently gave a lot of time and energy to trying to make a good situation out of a bad one. I allowed it to consume most of my free time and I was sure that if I gave it my all and had faith that things would change for the better. Unfortunately, my plan failed. Luckily, the whole experience taught me something very important so I don't regret any of it. I learned that even though I might not be able to change somebody else's world, I still have all the power to change mine.  

All of this prompted me to take a look at how my life is today. All is well, but somehow I've allowed some toxicity to creep its way back in. For the most part, I have amazing friends who are encouraging and want the best for me and I appreciate them more than they can ever imagine. There are a few people, though, that have been bringing me down with their negative energy and I'm getting tired of letting that happen. Life is too short to be anything but happy, and if that means distancing myself from the people that are trying to prevent my happiness, then that's what I need to do.

Consider it done. Here's to moving forward and never looking back! And to never giving up on your dreams.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.